Are you in the San Diego group?

“Are We Dating The Same Guy” is a network of private Facebook groups, each one tied to a city or region. Women join the group for where they live, post a photo or a screenshot of a man they’ve met or matched with, and ask whether anyone else knows him. Here is how that works in San Diego.

A large group and a looser second one

San Diego’s main Are We Dating The Same Guy group has about 76,000 members, which puts women from across the county in one place. There is also a separate, looser-style San Diego group of about 21,000 members, with its own tone and its own regulars. A man can appear in one and not the other, so a search that stops at the bigger group can miss things.

Women tend to join for where they live and where they date, and in San Diego those are often different places. Someone in Chula Vista might date mostly downtown, and someone in Escondido might spend her weekends at the beach.

The beach, downtown and North County

A lot of first dates happen near the coast. Pacific Beach and Ocean Beach draw people from all over the county, and downtown and the Gaslamp fill up at night with people who live well outside them. North County, from Oceanside down through Carlsbad and Encinitas, has a dating scene and groups of its own, but plenty of people there still drive south for a night out.

Because people cover so much ground, the woman who posts often knows a man only through his profile and a date or two. That is usually why posts here lean on photos rather than names.

Military life and moving around

San Diego has a large military population, with Navy and Marine Corps bases from the bay up to Camp Pendleton. Deployments mean a man can be away for months while a post about him sits in a group, collecting comments he never sees. New orders mean people arrive and leave on a regular cycle, and a man who dated here before a move can still come up in the groups long after he has gone. If you have been stationed in more than one place, each of those areas can have groups of its own, and it is reasonable to include them.

Where we look for a San Diego man

We start with the main group and then move on to the surrounding groups where a post about you is likely to turn up: the second San Diego group, North County, the Orange County groups and the California-wide ones. Los Angeles and Orange County are a drive away, and many men date up the coast as well. If you have lived or dated anywhere else, including a previous duty station, mention it when you order and it goes into the search.

An answer instead of a worry

Whatever prompted the question, a written answer is easier to live with than a guess. If nothing turns up, that is worth knowing too, and if something does, you will see what was said and where it was posted.