Are you in the St. Louis group?

“Are We Dating The Same Guy” is a network of private Facebook groups, each one tied to a city or region. Women join the group for where they live, post a photo or a screenshot of a man they’ve met or matched with, and ask whether anyone else knows him. Here is how that works in St. Louis.

The city, the county and the line between them

St. Louis has an unusual setup: the city is separate from St. Louis County, and people here are quick to tell you which one they’re from. The county itself is made up of many small municipalities, each with its own name and identity, and people tend to describe where they live by the town rather than the metro. In practice, dating ignores the line completely. A man in Kirkwood or Clayton dates women in the Central West End, and a weekend can move from Soulard to the Grove to a patio out in the county without anyone thinking twice.

Across the Mississippi and the Missouri

The metro also spills into Illinois. The Metro East, across the Mississippi in towns like Belleville, Edwardsville and O’Fallon, is close enough that many people there work and go out in St. Louis, and the light rail line runs across the river. To the west, St. Charles sits across the Missouri River and has grown into a large suburban scene of its own. Highway 40, as locals still call I-64, links the city to the western county and St. Charles, and most dating here happens by car. A woman in any of these places can easily date a man in the city, so the groups covering them overlap.

Where did you go to high school?

It’s the question everyone in St. Louis gets asked, and it says a lot about the city. Many people grew up here, went to school here and stayed, so the name of a high school can tell someone what part of town you’re from and who you probably know. That small-world feel means a woman who posts about a date may quickly hear from someone who knows him, or knows his sister.

Washington University and Saint Louis University add newer arrivals, from undergraduates to medical residents. Many of them don’t share that history, and they tend to lean on the apps rather than on friends of friends.

Searching both sides of the river

We begin with the groups covering St. Louis and the county, then check the ones covering the Metro East, St. Charles and Missouri as a whole. If your dating history includes Columbia, Kansas City or anywhere beyond, tell us when you place your order and those groups join the search. News here tends to travel by word of mouth as much as online, so a screenshot can move from one group to another quickly.

No more second-guessing

In a city where everyone seems connected, it’s natural to wonder what has been said and who has seen it. A written report tells you plainly what is in the groups, so the question stops following you around.